The Great Toilet Seat Debate

As many conversations with my friend Ryan go, there’s some friendly banter, a little pretend chauvinism, and a lot of sarcasm. (And no, he’s not the same Ryan as Ryan Gosling…I’m not quite to that level of celebrity yet.)

Recently, we entered the dangerous discussion about leaving the toilet seat up and whose responsibility it should be to either put it down or leave it up…Read more.

Nature According to Rachel: Because Sloths DON’T Poop out of Their Pores

Somewhere in Costa Rica, a group of friends were talking.

“Don’t sloths live in Costa Rica?”
“They do, but not in this area.”
“Good. Because I heard sloths poop out their pores.” Read more.

A Colorful Resume from the Ex-Files

Ya’ll, are you ready for perhaps the most awesome dumpster fire blog post I’ve ever written about myself?

Truth is, I’ve had some pretty hefty writer’s block lately.

So imagine my surprise when the first clever idea I’ve had in weeks…nay, months…involves my colorful rapsheet of terrific ex-boyfriends.

And their spectacular choices in various professions. Read more.

The Boob Injury

That’s right. I got hurt on a run again. Not the usual bloody fall or rock falling on me. This time, the part of me bleeding, bruised, and needing to be iced is…

My boob.

Read more.

Trailhead Break-In Vigilante

This is a story about a guy who went full-on cowboy on some assholes breaking into cars at a trailhead the other day.

I’m writing his story for all our different run and mountain bike communities to enjoy a little vengeance for once…with his permission, of course.

And with names and locations omitted because…well…he may have broken a few laws trying to get his shit back from assholes…Read more.

That Time I Tried to Woo Skrewball

That’s right. I’ve put my email-writing skills to the test again.

This time to see if my sister Julie and I can get special recognition or a t-shirt or a sticker from the brand we love so much, we had their label tattooed on ourselves permanently.

I just sent this email to the fine folks at Skrewball Peanut Butter Whiskey, with the hope that they’ll not only open it, they’ll read to the end, and then email us back to say how awesome (or stupid) we are…Read more.

Scandalous Reply All Abuse

Nearly 100 of my peers participated in the gross misuse of our company email yesterday morning, resulting in the worst case of reply-all abuse I have ever seen…

…albeit highly entertaining. Read more.

Quirky Eating

I have to eat a hamburger with my left hand.

And I cannot put it down till I’m done.

I’ve come to realize everyone has at least one weird thing when they eat. Read more.

20s vs 30s

I realize I didn’t get 10 years older overnight, but some days, that’s how it feels. All through my 20s, I felt like I was still 19. Now that I’m into my 30s, I keep thinking I’m 29. It’s all very strange. I dare anyone to ask me how old I am just to see if I have to count on my fingers to figure it out. Read more.

Taking Out My Own Stitches

Recently I had to go to the doctor and they needed to test a skin sample. Because of this, I got to take home two shiny new blue stitches and keep them loved and protected for two weeks.

It was a frustrating and bittersweet relationship, but I complied. Read more.

Flamethrower + Mosquitos = Me – Mosquito Bites

This morning I was itchy and begrudgingly fantasizing about spraying any mosquito-infested air with a flamethrower. Then I wondered if I am the only person who’d ever considered doing this because my thoughts are rarely original. I asked the Google Machine and discovered this article. Read more.

You Might Be A Divorcee If…

It’s no longer a secret: I’m divorced. Yes, divorce is an asshole and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but like everything else, it has a silver lining. For me, it’s been laughing at myself as I inevitably fall into so many blatant stereotypes about divorcees. Read more.